And so it goes....

I am continually amazed by my ability to be ungrateful...and of course that has me more than a bit worried about my future state of affairs in the hereafter. When things are rolling, and I'm spiritually traveling the fast track, all is good, but the stress level can be high. And then when things settle down, as they always do, it is almost as if I have forgotten the blessings I received only days ago. It seems my perpetual state of affairs to be discontented with my reality. I can always think of some way in which things could be better.

But patience is the key, and perserverance. Even the Prophet (saws) had time between revelations, Surah Duha being the second, and it brings great comfort to me to recite this remembering how concerned he was with the time which had passed before he received it. For myself, at least the lows are not as low as they used to be, and the heights I have been to have exceeded any other in my life. So insha'Allah my patience will increase, my ingratitude will decrease, and I will be able to travel far on the sirat before I die.

Prayers Heard

I have always admired people who have been very sincere in their dua's. They even ask me to pray for them, especially when I travel from place to place. Somehow, through all I have experienced in the last 1 1/2 years since I began taking formal instruction from my Shaykh, my own dua's have begun to take on a different quality. I am not certain exactly why or how, but as I reflected on this yesterday I realized that it is as if I finally truly believe that Allah hears my prayers, and will answer them as He sees fit. I have always known that Allah's answers are not always what we might expect, and that sometimes the answer may come long after we have made the prayer, but I sense His listening more than I have sensed it before. He has always been there, but I have traveled closer in a certain way, and I see and sense the evidence all around me in many ways.

This is something which gives me great solace at all times. I have hope like I never had hope before, but contrasting that is also fear that I will not manage to live as well as I should in light of all the blessings I have received. I pray Allah will make me worthy of all the honors He has given me.