Testification....

We will testify. We will answer for how we lived our lives on this earth, and what we said and believed about God, all in the next life. What will we say? Will we be ashamed? Have we taken this life as a game, numbing ourselves to the seriousness of the situation? Have we made popular culture and belief the driving forces of our lives, or have we searched our soul to its depths for the Truth?

These are the questions I ask myself, as I vacillate between fear and hope. I do not know how anyone cannot have that fear, given how far we fall short of our potential given by our Creator. His Mercy is great, alhumdulillah for that, for in it lies my only hope.

Just buy the book....

Salaams all,

I could create page after page of quotes from Ghazali's book, but instead I will leave you with one last excerpt, and recommend that you buy this book (if you do not already own it) and read it promptly.

Munira

"What, then, shall be the lot of he who rejoiced in the world and nothing else when it comes to be taken from him and is delivered up to his enemies? And when to this torment is added his lamentation over the bliss of the Afterlife which has passed him by, and over the barrier which has come between him and God (Great and Glorious is He!)? For in truth, the love of anything other than God shall bar one from the meeting with Him and the joy which therein consists. [Such a man] is overwhelmed by the pain of losing all that he loved, and by his grief over the bliss of the Afterlife which has forever and eternally passed him by, as well as by the disgrace of rejection and of being veiled from God (Exalted is He!). It is this which constitutes the torment with which he is punished, for the fire of separation can only be followed by the fire of the Inferno, as God (Exalted is He!) has said, Nay, they are that day veiled from their Lord; then shall they be cast into the Blaze. (Q. LXXXIII:15-16)

But as for the man who did not find his consolation in this world, and who loved none save God, and yearned for the meeting with Him: he has escaped from the prison of this world and the vicissitudes of the desires which lie therein. He has come to his Beloved, as all barriers and distractions are cut away; bliss is his abundantly, never to pass away in all eternity. For the likes of this, then, let those who would work, work! (Q. XXXVII:61)

Our purpose is that a man may love a horse of his so dearly that were he to be offered the choice between losing it and being stung by a scorpion he would prefer to endure the latter, because the pain of losing the horse would be, for him, more dire than a scorpion sting. The very love of the horse would sting him were it to be taken away. He should, therefore, ready himself to be stung, for death shall take his horse from him, together with its saddle, his house, his land, his family, his loved ones and his friends, and shall confiscate his power and his influence; indeed it shall deprive him even of his hearing, sight and limbs, so that he shall despair of their ever returning to him. Now if he had loved nothing more than these things, then when they are taken from him he shall suffer a torment greater than that inflicted by scorpions and snakes. Just as his suffering would be grievous if they were to be confiscated from him while he lived, so shall it be upon his demise.

We have already made it clear that the essence which perceives pain and pleasure is immortal, and that the suffering it endures may be greater after the advent of death, for although in life one may amuse oneself with things which busy the senses, such as sitting with other people and making conversation, together with the anticipation of returning to such things or their like, there is no amusement after death; for every means by which one might find it stands blocked, and despair prevails."

Al-Ghazali, The Remembrance of Death and the Afterlife, Trans. T.J. Winter, pgs. 141-142.

What were your works?

"Al-Kattani was asked as he drew near death: 'What were your works?' And he replied, 'Were it not for the imminence of my demise I would not tell you. I stood at the door to my heart for forty years, and whenever that which was not God [ghayr Allah] passed by it I denied it entry.' "

Al-Ghazali "Remembrance of Death and the Afterlife," TJ Winter trans, page 94

The deaths of Ali and his sons....

"Said al-Asbagh al-Hanzali: 'At daybreak, shortly before the time when Ali (may God ennoble his face) was struck down, Ibn al-Tayyah came to him to call him to the Prayer. He was reclining and sleepy, and remained so when he returned to him. But when he came for the third time Ali arose and walked, saying:

Gird up your loins for death
Death shall surely meet you
Do not be angry at death
When it comes to your valley.

'When he reached the small door Ibn Muljam bore down upon him and dealt him a blow.....
According to Muhammad ibn Ali, after he was stabbed he counseled his sons, and then said nothing but 'There is no deity but God' until he died."

"When al-Hasan ibn Ali (may God be pleased with them both) became increasingly ill, al-Husayn (may God be pleased with Him) entered and said, 'O my brother, why do you sorrow? You are going to join God's Emissary (may God bless him and grant him peace) and Ali ibn Abi Talib, who are your fathers; and Khadija bint Khuwaylid and Fatima bint Muhammad, who are your mothers; and Hamza and Jafar, who are your paternal uncles.' And he replied, "O my brother! I am going to something the likes of which I have never been to before.' "

"Said Muhammad ibn al-Husayn, 'When the people bore down upon al-Husayn (may God be pleased with him), and he became certain that they would kill him, he stood up in the midst of his followers and delivered a sermon. He praised and lauded God and then said, 'The matter is as you have seen. The world has changed and been befouled, its good customs passing away; and it has shriveled up so that all that remains of it is as a drop in the bottom of a vessel. Enough of a life like bad pasturage! Do you not see that the Truth is not acted by, and that falsehood is not denounced? Let the believer aspire to the meeting with God (Exalted is He!). Truly, I see death as nothing but happiness, and life in the company of the wrongdoers as nothing save transgression.' "

"Al-Ghazali: Remembrance of Death and the Afterlife," Trans. T.J. Winter, pgs. 83-84

Masalaam,

Munira

Prayer of Abu Bakr

On his deathbed...speaks for itself...

"And Abu Bakr said, 'Whomesoever says certain words before dying, God shall set his spirit on the Clear Horizon.' 'What is the Clear Horizon?' they asked, and he replied, 'A vale which lies before the Throne. In it lie the Gardens of God, and rivers and trees. A hundred mercies cover it each day. God shall set in this place the spirit of whomsoever says these words: 'O Lord God! Truly You did create mankind, although You had no need for them. Then You did render them two parties: a party for bliss, and a party for the Blaze. Make me, therefore, of the former party. O Lord God! Truly You did create humanity in groups, and divided them before their creation. From them did You appoint the damned and the saved, the strayer and the rightly-guided. Do not damn me through acts of disobedience to You! O Lord God! Truly You knew what every soul would acquire before creating it; no escape has it from that which You have known. Render me, therefore, amongst those You make to act in obedience to You. O Lord God! No-one may wish for anything until You have willed it to transpire. So make it Your will that You decree that which brings me closer to You. O Lord God! You have determined the movements of Your bondsmen, nothing moves save by Your leave. Make, then, my movements to be in piety to You. O Lord God! Truly You have created good and evil, and appointed men who act by each. Make me therefore, of the better party. O Lord God! Truly You did create Heaven and Hell, and appoint people for each of them. Make me, then of the dwellers in Your Heaven. O Lord God! Truly You did will misguidance for some people, constricting with it their breasts. Open, then, my breast to faith, and adorn with it my heart. O Lord God! Truly You have disposed all things, making their final destiny unto Yourself. Raise me up, then after my death into a goodly life, and grant me great nearness to You. O Lord God! Despite He whose hope and trust, morning and night, it not in You, still you are my hope and trust. No power is there, and no strength, save in God.'

"Al-Ghazali: The Remebrance of Death and the Afterlife" Trans. T.J. Winter, page 76

Masalaam,

Munira

Our history...

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim

What you have been taught, what you have been told, what you have held to be true; have these helped your soul to ascend the stations? Have you loved Allah more from the teaching you have received? Have you loved your Prophet (saws) more? Or are you the same now as you have been for many years? Where are we going in life if we are not moving toward Allah? What is the point of our life; what is the point of our prayers?

I feel ashamed before Allah when I am only 'showing up.' I have only succeeded in changing this state when I have given up, surrendered, and admitted that I do not have within myself all that I need. I do not know the way, but I must find the way, before my time runs out.

Of Life and Death...

As salaamu'alaykum everyone,

Well...life continues with its ups and downs...

It hit me hard yesterday just how ungrateful we are in this life. How often do we believe that what is coming around the corner is going to be better than what we have now? How often does our look to the future veil us from the beauty of what we have in the present? That is not to say that we do not strive to be better people, to live better lives, to improve ourselves in every way as we move forward. We must do all of that, and at the same time keep ourselves planted in the present, for this day, this moment, this time, might be our last.

So I'm working on that. I figure I can find about 10 or 15 things to feel sorry for myself about, but I have to make a conscious choice not to, for it will lessen the benefit of what I have. How much of my life have I wasted on self pity? I am ashamed to even take a sideways glance at my past, and can only pray that I will do better in the future.

So that is life....

Lately I have been reading Al-Ghazali's "The Remebrance of Death and the Afterlife." Ok...truth be told...I have only just started, but I found something profound within the very first chapter, regarding how one can better remember death and its imminent arrival:

"...The most productive method of bringing this about is for him to make frequent remembrance of those of his peers and associates who have passed away before him: he should contemplate their death and dissolution beneath the earth and recall how they appeared in their former positions and circumstances, and meditate upon the way in which the earth has now obliterated the beauty of their forms, and how their parts have been scattered in their tombs, and how they made widows of their wives and orphans of their children; how they lost their property, and how their mosques and gatherings have become voided of them, and how their very traces have been wiped away. To the extent that a man recalls another, and pictures clearly in his mind his state and how he died, and imagines his form, and remembers his sprightliness and how he used to come and go, and the care which he devoted to living and to continuing, and his forgetfulness of death, and how he was deceived by the propitious means of his subsistence, and his trusting in his strength and his youth, and his inclination to laughter and fun, and his heedlessness of the imminent death and the speedy destruction which lay before him; how he used to go hither and thither, and that now his feet and joints have rotted away, how he used to speak, while now the worm has devoured his tongue, how he used to laugh, while now the dust has consumed his teeth; how he used to arrange for himself that which he would not need for ten years at a time when there lay between him and death only a month, while he was in ignorance of what was plannned for him, until death came at an hour he had not reckoned upon, and the Angel's form stood revealed before him, and the summons struck his ears - either to Heaven or to Hell! - at that time he will see that he is like them, and that his heedlessness is as theirs, and that as theirs shall be his end."

Al-Ghazali "The Remembrance of Death and the Afterlife," Trans. T.J. Winter, pgs 13-14

And that is death....

Masalaam,

Munira

And...

As Salaamu’alaykum again,

I’ve decided (now that I am actually communicating a bit through my blog again) to share a personal detail of my life with you all. I do not generally relate such things in the context of a blog, for it seems to me to be too public a forum for some types of information. It is not something I speak of much even in person, for sometimes our feelings run too deep for words, and sometimes trying to find the words can be too painful. I tell you this so you will have some knowledge of the context of my life, as it may be important so that you will understand the underlying motivation and tone of what I write.

I have told you before that I am living in Senegal with my children this year, where we are attending a Qur’an school founded by my Shaykh. What I have not told you is what happened after we arrived. I had known for years of my mother’s cancer. What began more than 10 years ago as breast cancer, and was treated with a ‘98%’ cure rate (or so the doctors said), returned about 5 years ago in the bone. There have been many advances in this particular field of cancer research, and hormone treatments worked very well to keep her cancer in remission until this last year. She then began chemotherapy treatments (pills and then intravenous), and we had much hope that they would be successful at least for a year or two. Sadly, they were not.

It was in the midst of this that we decided to go ahead with our trip to Africa, and my mother told me that if anything went wrong with her treatments, all she desired was for me to return for her funeral so that I would be there in support of the family. But when you get a call on a Friday night saying that your mother has been given two months to live, and you have the funds for a ticket, it is necessary to travel quickly to see her, for it may be the last time you ever have that chance. And so I left my children at the school in Africa, and spent about two weeks visiting my mother and family. She worried constantly about them while I was gone, and asked me not to return for her funeral. I had only been back in Africa for one week when I got word of a serious deterioration in her condition, giving her only days left to live, and so I returned again, as it seemed the only right thing to do under the circumstances. I would not have had it any other way, for that time was a great trial for the family, a trial of patience, endurance, and faith in our decree and design by Allah.

What is there to say when the person you have communicated almost every day of your life is suddenly taken out of it. I cannot say much, but I hear it in my voice as I recite Qur’an. I read it in my words no matter how generalized. I feel it in the core of my soul, but I hide most of it from the world for it is something I only understand in solitude in corners and rooftops. Some times are more difficult than others.

A broken heart is an open heart, ready to be filled. My prayer is that my heart will be filled with the greatest love for Allah and His Prophet (saws).

I have posted below the eulogy I wrote for my mother, as a tribute to her and all she gave me in this life.

A Eulogy

What can one ever truly say from the heart upon the loss of a mother? The vessel from which our soul entered this world has now departed, and the sense of loss is more than words can describe. What I CAN tell you today is a bit about my mother, and the significance she had in our lives and so many others.

She was a beloved daughter, sister, wife, mother, and friend. Her flower gardens were always a source of joy for her, and were a reflection of the inner beauty she shared with the world. She has been the love of our father's life for over 43 years, and he the love of hers. She loved her children through every stage, from the sweetness of infancy to the trials of adolescence, to the place of maturity she has helped us reach. Through us, her grandchildren became one of her greatest sources of happiness. She loved all her family and friends completely.

In my life, Mom was the one who always believed in me. She believed in my potential and my destiny - from the time I was very young. Even while she could not always understand my beliefs and decisions, she still saw me as a soul on a course set by a higher power - and always supported me to the best of her ability. My treasure in life was being born to her.

We will all miss her almost more than we can bear. Now, who can we call on in times of trouble, in times of happiness, or just to talk? Who will we turn to? She was a gift to us; a gift from her Creator - Who has called for her to return. While this brings me sadness, my gratitude is greater. How can I ever give enough thanks for having such a wonderful mother in my life for so many years? She was there through all the milestones: birth, walking, talking, school, graduation, marriage, births of grandchildren, birthdays of grandchildren, and everything else along the way.

Her reflection lives on in all those she touched. Her influence to seek good and to be good was powerful, and will be one of her greatest legacies.

This time has been a test for us all: a test of our faith, a test of our strength, a test of our patience. But the greatest of tests are often the greatest of openings to new paths, to new healing, to new growth, and to miracles in our lives. So I do not begrudge God’s tests, for within them are always lessons and benefits, some hidden and some revealed.

Sitting on the rooftop in Africa (which is a flat, walled roof by the way J), and thinking about my mother’s inevitable departure, I felt the pain of loss, of distance, and of utter helplessness. I also felt the beauty of surrender to it all, for what else can we really do in the end? From God we come, and to God we return. This will be our collective destiny, and I pray we will all return in a state of purity and beauty whenever our times come. I thank God for giving us my mother, and making this Earth a better place because of it.

To Love for the Sake of Allah

As salaaumu'alaykum,

I thought I had posted on this topic previously, but it seems I have not...although I have not reviewed every post in detail. So bear with me if I’m repeating myself…

What does it mean to love ‘For the Sake of Allah?' For many years people would say this, and I could not fully understand what they meant. That is, until I did come to love for the Sake of Allah myself. I found people in my life, who through my love for them, made me feel closer to Allah. And my love for them is greater than I ever could have possibly imagined. They are an integral part of the signs and links in my life on the Path.

We love people for many reasons…but this is the highest of reasons…but sometimes we are numb to the highest of reasons…we are veiled from it.

Sometimes I think when Muslims use this phrase, it is another way of saying, ‘I love you because you are my Muslim brother or sister, but that is the only reason.’ I get that from time to time, but then it is sometimes hard to tell what people truly mean in what they say. Language and people can be quite mysterious.

And so this is an expression which I can only completely understand through personal experience, and to understand it is one of the best experiences in life. Alhumdulillah.